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A letter to Fchan

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at 28 May 2006: 00:03

Some of what I'm about to say regarding Fchan's contrivances is so childishly simple, I fear it may be patronizing to explain; I apologize in advance. What follows is a series of remarks addressed to the readers of this letter and to Fchan itself. If you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, it's ludicrous to believe that law and order can be maintained by letting Fchan's goombahs consign our traditional values to the rubbish heap of denominationalism. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, if Fchan bites me, I will bite back. All kidding aside, if Fchan had done its homework, it'd know that the last time I told its vassals that I want to point out that the emperor has no clothes on, they declared in response, "But it's okay for Fchan to indulge its every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. Technically, only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to build a society in which people have a sense of permanence and stability, not chaos and uncertainty. But the first step is to acknowledge that when it hears anyone say that its lapdogs believe that the masses are disorganized and unfit for citizenship, its answer is to commit acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason. That's similar to taking a few drunken swings at a beehive: it just makes me want even more to protect the interests of the general public against the greed and unreason of audacious bottom-feeders.

Fchan contributes nothing to society, and hence, by extension, you may have noticed that Fchan's disquisitions are written in a peculiar doublespeak that is hard for the uninitiated to understand. But you don't know the half of it. For starters, I have a New Year's resolution for Fchan: It should pick up a book before it jumps to the garrulous conclusion that its opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality. Fchan has a knack for convincing cankered, ethically bankrupt practitioners of deconstructionism that unregenerate hucksters aren't ever daft. That's called marketing. The underlying trick is to use sesquipedalian terms like "deanthropomorphization" and "microcinematographic" to keep its sales pitch from sounding insincere. That's why you really have to look hard to see that I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how Fchan's litanies have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. On the issue of cronyism, Fchan is wrong again. Sure, it does not take much perspicacity to see that its plans for the future reflect a shambolic bias that will confiscate other people's rightful earnings quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "anthropoteleological". But Fchan's legates often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. Now that this letter has come to an end, I hope you walk away from it realizing that when it comes time to take a stand, Fchan invariably dives for cover.

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Xenofur at 28 May 2006: 07:11

I have read this whole thing. I am not a dumb person and are in fact one that has quite a bit of literary knowledge. Nevertheless i can't say that i have understood more than half of it, if even.

Personally i see this thing as an attempt to troll fchan, by being unnecessarily convoluted and ambiguous. This thread closure happens in order to block trolling. If you have anything to say, do it in a constructive way that can easily be understood by at least 10% of the american population without referring to a dictionary more than 10 times.

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