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Fchan and RL relationships

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at 19 Jan 2008: 14:08

I apologize if there was a thread on this already, but I have a relationship problem that I don't know how to solve. Perhaps if anyone has been in this situation before, they can help.

I have been a furry all my life. I have scoured the web for at least 12 years for all types of furry art, yiff being the bulk of it. Less than a year ago, I got myself into a real-life relationship with a seemingly "average" girl with typical moral standards and such, IE, not being comfortable with me being sexually attracted to furries.

However, this story has an interesting twist. Over the months, she began browsing the sites that I did, she created a FA account, and even began drawing art for me. Yet she still holds dear the belief that she should be the only thing that I am sexually attracted to.

Help, Fchan!!

2Report
at 19 Jan 2008: 14:19

Just tell'er you're imagining the furries to be her?

Unless you like group sex pics or M/M stuff. Don't know what to tell you other than to keep it at a low level until she becomes relatively comfortable with your kinks.

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at 19 Jan 2008: 14:30

She created an FA account? It's as good as it'll get. Consider yourself lucky.

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at 19 Jan 2008: 14:43

Yeah, consider yourself very lucky indeed. As of right now I'm seriously considering leaving and deleting everything furry for a girl.

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at 19 Jan 2008: 14:54

>>4 Hah hah! Put all your stuff on a disc and bury it somewhere. That way if the relationship goes sour you haven't lost your collection, and if it works out you can just forget it exists.

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at 19 Jan 2008: 15:01

She has -very- unrealistic ideas about sexuality.  It doesn't work like that.

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at 19 Jan 2008: 15:05

>>1
Just let her know that she is the only one you think about both sexually AND emotionally. Isn't that more important than just being thought of as a sexual item? Find a way to word it romantically to make her feel special like she is the only one you can think of in that way(unless thats a lie, then don't say it at all)

>>4
If you have to change yourself radically against your own will(example: she can't supply valid arguments why you should delete and stop enjoying something) then don't do it. You will regret it greatly.

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Furvy at 19 Jan 2008: 15:54

Ever been caught cheating on her with her stuffed animals? That didn't turn out so well in my case.. :/

Just don't do anything radical and you will probably be able to ease her into the idea of being comfortable with it.

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at 19 Jan 2008: 15:55

If backing off some on the furry porn constitutes a radical change the person would probably be better off without it. Asking for "valid arguments" on why it bothers her is probably a good way to get her to ditch.

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tcflatfootfradie at 19 Jan 2008: 22:08

well if she made a account
and she is drawing pics for you it sounds like
she likes the stuff two
or might start to like it

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Min at 19 Jan 2008: 22:35

Any girl who expects you to only be attracted to her or to not look at porn probably does not have a very healthy understanding of her own sexuality.  Being sexually attracted to other people and masturbating are both perfectly normal, healthy things -- and if she doesn't understand that and masturbate regularly, herself, it's fairly likely that she has some psychological hangups with regards to sex that you're going to have to work out before you can have a healthy relationship.  She needs to understand that just because you're attracted to people (or drawings) other than her does not mean that you actually want to be with anybody other than her -- and it's ok for her to feel the same way, too.

Communicating openly and honestly with each other about how you feel is key.  It's embarrassing to think about, but if you're serious about being with each other, seeing a relationship councilor isn't an unreasonable option.  Trying to stop being who you are isn't worth it for a relationship that you might not be satisfied in, anyway.

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Bizzle at 20 Jan 2008: 00:22

Min is right.  Nobody can be sexually attracted to one person to the strict exclusion of all else.  It's just the nature of the organism.  Anyone who expects otherwise is just setting themselves up for disappointment.  The realization that life isn't a fairy tale comes with some difficulty for some, so be supportive without selling out your position.  Help her to understand that she can't expect you to be anything more than human.  If it all works out, she will appreciate your effort in the end.

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at 21 Jan 2008: 23:32

>>11,12
I have a large porn collection.  I find other women than my girlfriend attractive, of course.  I explain it to my lovely woman this way, which happens to be the truth.

My sexuality operates visually.  So, a woman or picture could have various visual things that I find sexy.  This is TOTALLY separate from the actual person.  Furthermore, you should not be jealous as these visual things I find appealing are things you can wear or obtain.  (Disclaimer: Might be difficult to do for advanced fetishes, but use a little imagination and anything is possible.)  However, I am not with you just because of the way you look, I am with you because of the person you are and the love you have for me.

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Bizzle at 22 Jan 2008: 03:31

>>13  Most heterosexual men respond sexually to visual stimuli.  It's how these over-sized brains of ours are hard-wired.

You know, being married for seven years has given me a little insight into why people stay together.  It's a little bit of who they are, it's a little bit sexual attraction (doesn't happen without it), but it's largely an overall feeling of enjoying their company.  Comfort, challenge, fun--that's the stuff that ultimately makes it work.

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at 23 Jan 2008: 17:44

>>14
How about "Can't be arsed to go do the whole dating thing again, so we might as well stay together" reason?  That seems to have worked for my folks, and me and my SO, thus far.  :P

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Min at 23 Jan 2008: 22:15

>>15
If that works for you, great.  Heck, the whole concept of marrying somebody because you love them is a fairly recent notion; for the vast majority of human history, people married each other for money, property, status, or convenience.  Most people were never expected to actually /want/ to be with their significant others; it was simply your duty to your family/kingdom/community to live with them and make babies.

Nowadays, however, it's easy for anybody to live comfortably without being married at all, and so people have little motivation to be with somebody if they don't actually want to spend their lives together.  Many people would rather live on their own than be in a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship.  Of course, the opposite is true, too, and some people will stay in a relationship that's no good for them just because they don't want to be alone.

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