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Emotionally gay and physically straight?

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1Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 01:50

Physically i'm definitely attracted toward feminine traits and thats what really turns me on but emotionally...women have turned me off to the point of me thinking more about what a gay relationship would be like instead. If a guy could fit the feminine criteria without having the female mind which pisses me off so much I think i'd be in love.

I don't mean to stereotype but it's like with most women you say something, ANYTHING and they scrutinize it, search for hidden subtext and just can't accept that what you said is what you said. "I don't feel like going out" turns into "OMG HE DOESNT LOVE ME TIME TO NAG NAG NAG" or some other equally crazy assumption.

With a guy, I say "nah, don't feel like hanging out", they say "how come?" I say "not feeling good today, want to rest" and that's that. They don't start probing and trying to search for the hidden meaning in things. I am just more attracted to the straightforward no nonsense mindset of males who don't manipulate, lie and try to scrutinize and turn every word against you. If you piss of a guy they will let you know by saying "you are being a real asshole" rather than smiling at you, calling you honey and then proceeding to plot your death.

There are other problems I have with women as well such as;
-Entitlement complex, want to be treated like royalty/goddess
-Manipulative
-CRAZY and overly emotional
-Impossible to win an argument against and impossible to avoid arguing with. If you don't fight back they will just keep bitching till you say something then proceed to use it against you.
-Hold grudges...like forever.
-Needy, clingy, want your attention 24/7 and wont put up with anything you enjoy doing that takes away said attention but also refuses to do those things with you like if you want to watch an action movie, play a videogame, etc etc.

Does anyone else experience this same problem? I haven't thought romantically about a woman in probably a year or more but most guys just don't interest me physically.

2Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 06:06

find a post op transvestite. problem solved.

3Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 06:19

>>2
Most of them have the same problem as women. They have a female mind and while I would say they are generally less crazy than most women they still have quite a bit of crazy going on. Trannies are trannies because they have the female mindset.

4Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 06:24

'generally less crazy than most women'

haha

find a pre-op transvestite then.

5Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 07:55

>>4
"pre-op"

Fail to see how that solves the OP's problem. Most pre-ops only still have their dicks because they don't have the money to get the cosmetic surgery required. OP made it pretty clear he is tired of women and anything remotely close to them emotionally speaking.

I'd say the chances of him finding what he needs is next to none because most boys who try to be feminine have all the same female overly emotional nonsense as girls. He either needs to give up on his physical standards or give up on his emotional.

Can't have it both ways OP, pick your poison.

6Report
Deatzh at 13 Oct 2008: 12:04

You have those problems with all women?

You need to look somewhere else, then.  I sure as fuck wouldn't call that a 'female mind,' since I've only met a few women actually like that, and they're not worth the time anyway.

That and I know an equal amount of men who are the same way.  Very few, but they're there.

So yeah, look somewhere else aside from where you are.

7Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 13:03

Maybe you just need to find a tomboy-ish girl

8Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 14:10

>>7
Just what I was thinking. Sounds like a girl who thinks like a dude is just what the doctor ordered. Of course, finding one who isn't lesbian is another story, I suppose.

9Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 14:59

It sounds like a lot of the women the OP speaks of are still in the "immature" range, ie. someone who's under 25 years of age.  I'd recommend a woman over that age, since older females (the ones I've been with/ have run across) are more stable than the ones described in >>1.

Also, OP, you need to have something to offer the woman.  Otherwise, you're just going to attract the batshit-insane females you've been dealing with.  A firm financial foundation, a good job, stable employment, or even your own residence does wonders to impressive a worthwhile woman.

10Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 16:48

It sounds like the OP has had a bad experience with one or two women. I know you said you weren't trying to generalize, but really, not all women are as batshit as you think. Keep looking, and make sure that you know the girl well *before* trying to start anything romantically.

Having had boyfriends as well, I can say that many guys exhibit the same traits you mentioned. Just because they're the same sex doesn't mean they think the same way as you.

11Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 16:50

>>9

LOL true.

>>1

You listed

-Entitlement complex, want to be treated like royalty/goddess
-Manipulative
-CRAZY and overly emotional
-Impossible to win an argument against and impossible to avoid arguing with. If you don't fight back they will just keep bitching till you say something then proceed to use it against you.
-Hold grudges...like forever.
-Needy, clingy, want your attention 24/7 and wont put up with anything you enjoy doing that takes away said attention but also refuses to do those things with you like if you want to watch an action movie, play a videogame, etc etc.

as being "female" problems.

As a gay man, I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Grass is always greener on the other side of the bridge, friend. When you get past the rock-hard shell of masculine bravado and male preening, when you get a guy to depend on you like a woman (oh shit, sexism), the emotions become exactly the same.

Try approaching the situation as though the person views you as being ultimately important to their world. If they are trying to manipulate you into spending more time with them, that means they are insecure with the amount of power they have given you.

Rock on! *high five, man*

12Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 18:11

>>1
I'm going to have to say that since you're in doubt about the gay relationship thing, you're probably not gay, so getting into a relationship with a gay male to see if it works out better than being with a female is pretty cruel to whoever you'd be getting together with. Unless you fully disclosed what you were trying ("Hey, I am not physically attracted to you in the least but I want to see if you're tolerable and if so I'll settle") you'd be setting up your gay partner for a fall. Don't do it. Instead...

Go by some of the wise advice already posted here and just wait. Keep dating, keep your distance while you assess the ladies you date, and don't get so buried-to-the-hilt in things that you even need to justify yourself. There's a lot to be said for a long stretch of casual dating, because not only is it fun, but it's low stress and it gives you time to ask whether or not you really want to be with that person. And if the answer is no, you can break off dating way easier than you can break off a serious relationship, unless the person get pushy with you, which yet again gives you a chance to see trouble well ahead of time.

Mainly, though, just keep trying. If you stick to the females you're truly attracted to, and have some patience until the right one comes along, it beats the hell out of breaking some gay fellow's heart. And as 11 pointed out there're assholes on both sides of the fence, so that makes patience even more important so you can tell what you're getting into before you're in too deep.

Best of luck, though!

13Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 19:10

>>12
That's the thing, I don't find casual dating to be fun at all. I consider it to be stressful and a gigantic waste of my time. However that could be attributed to the fact that just about every woman i've met has been batshit insane. I've never been much for the dating scene though because if I had to compare lets say...playing a really excellent videogame or watching a great movie for a few hours to going out on some date only to find I have zero interest in the person...it's just not worth it.

Things I can do by myself or with friends have a 90% chance of being an enjoyable use of my time. All the investments pay off. Casual dating on the other hand hasn't paid off at all so it's like a huge waste of not only time but money as well. At this point i'm starting to wonder if "true love" is worth the effort of actively searching for when I can enjoy my life just fine as is. I just thought maybe it would be different with guys but apparently from what everyone is saying it's no different.

>>10
As for the "one or two women" comment, no, i've had experience with five women on a deeply romantic level. Ten others have been close friends that all exhibited insanity until eventually even a friendship was unsustainable. Then there is women I knew less close, about 20+ who either went batshit insane on my friends or showed signs of being insane. That's 35+ females in a row. Maybe I just have some really shitty luck but I haven't even MET a female who hasn't instantly turned me off in some way in the past couple years after having dealt with 10+ years of batshit insane from every female I knew.

I just don't have the patience to even put up with it anymore. I pretty much close myself off to any female exhibiting warning signs and cut them off before they can waste my time and piss me off.

14Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 19:56

>>13

Part of any relationship, regardless of its stage, is having to deal with the unpleasantries the other person may exhibit.  No one is perfect, and you will never find the "perfect" woman.  Likewise, realize that you are also not perfect and are probably chock full of annoying traits as well.  Realize you're going to have to meet the other person in the middle.  You can start by lowering your unrealisticly high standards. 

The dating scene or starting up a relationship does cost money and time.  If you are not willing to invest that then yours is a lost cause.  And if you want to find out whether you're interested in the person before blowing money on a movie, try going to a casual restaurant or even a coffee shop.  It's hard to have a meaningful and introspective conversation during a movie.

15Report
Deatzh at 13 Oct 2008: 19:59

>>13
Wow, doesn't sound like you're exaggerating at all.

If all the women are seriously that terrible where you are, and finding one is such a big deal, then you need to get the fuck away from there.

And it's hard to find a person who doesn't exhibit any of the things you listed in the original post.  Just because they have one does not mean they'll have all of them, cripes.

I'm manipulative, but if I realize that by doing so, I'm hurting someone, I stop.

16Report
Deatzh at 13 Oct 2008: 20:02

>>14
And this.  I agree with it fully.

17Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 20:36

>>14
While I agree no one is perfect I think it's reasonable to expect someone "perfect" for me and I shouldn't settle for anything less because that means eventually I will tire of their BS then break up with them or cheat on them like most people end up doing. I don't want to do either of those things because I think leading someone on by "settling" then later breaking up with them is wrong morally. Furthermore, cheating is obviously wrong as well.

All i'm asking for is;
-Similar personality so that we don't get into needless arguments about unimportant things.
-Similar hobbies/interests so we actually have things to spend time together with.
-Similar morals/beliefs so we don't get into bullshit religious arguments, cheat on each other, etc etc
-Similar goals for the relationship so no one expects things that just plain aren't going to happen.

I don't feel these are unreasonable requests to make of someone. I'm not asking for perfection which depending on the person the definition is drastically different, i'm just asking for someone I can get along with, spend time with and not argue with on a constant basis. I understand conflict will sometimes rear it's ugly head no matter what but I want those to be misunderstandings at best, not complete differences in personality, beliefs, interests, etc etc etc.

18Report
at 13 Oct 2008: 22:53

>>13

12 here again, responding to this new info. Casual dating (at least for myself and most others who take part in it who I am aware of) usually consists of doing something fun and enjoyable with your date, and ultimately, having fun and enjoyable times together is one of the goals of a relationship. Maybe there's some aspect to dating that you're finding stressful and bad, but I'd have no way of knowing what that is.

From the information you gave, though, it sounds like playing video games, watching great movies and hanging out with your friends are more fun to you than the romance scene, so maybe there's no problem after all. You can just do those things, have more fun, and if romance isn't a contender for your time, I'd say you're having a pretty good time without it. Just enjoy! There's certainly no requirement to be in a relationship if it's not your thing.

19Report
at 14 Oct 2008: 06:13

so transvestites are no longer an option?

20Report
Tylon Foxx at 14 Oct 2008: 18:06

>>1 well... that's women in a package for ya, but you only seem to look at the dark side of the coin. It could just be that you have been together with A: Cheerleader types or B: the good-looking gals that behave like bitches all the time.

so.... I also have a response to >>17 (I believe the same guy posted that.

Similar personalities won't always help, you will still get into arguments about things YOU think are pointless.

Why not different hobbies or interests (maybe overlapping a bit with yours), that would give you an opportunity to learn a few new things, probably things you would come to like ;)

again I say this for similar morals or beliefs, you might learn a thing or two about the world and yourself. As for cheating on someone, of course it's hard for you, but it's hardly enough of an excuse to end a good relationship, remember that your bf/gf isn't your property, and it's quite idiotic to treat him/her as such.

Similar goals for the relationship can be good, but plan any further steps together.

Also I agree with >>18, Dating is not a waste of time and money, it can still be an enjoyable time with your date, but still make sure to pop sonething in that YOU want to do as well.

You learn as long as you live, but you have to listen to yourself once in a while, because only YOU have the answers to some of the problems you are facing... Life is not a rush, stop and think it over wherther you are ready for a relationship.

21Report
at 14 Oct 2008: 19:33

>>20
"Similar personalities won't always help"

But having polar opposite personalities will NEVER help. At least if you think somewhat in the same way you won't argue about every little thing possible from toothpaste caps to how to properly use toilet paper, etc etc.

"Why not different hobbies or interests"

I agree but in my case I already have a gigantic list of hobbies and interests. Just to name a few...animation(anime/cartoons), comics, videogames, movies, music, religion, politics, science, technology, art, reading and walking nature trails. What I meant by that was similar in the sense they have a wide variety of interests rather than only caring about one or two things which don't overlap with my interests at all. So far all the women I knew were mostly obsessed with one thing(a few times even something I liked) and so they weren't willing to do anything else. Since I love variety...that's a big problem.

"again I say this for similar morals or beliefs"

I disagree on this completely. If they don't have my kind of morals and I know this for a fact i'm taking a large risk being with them. If they start bragging about throwing a brick through an ex-boyfriends car i'm not sticking around even if he cheated it's not ok to destroy someone's property. That is a difference of moral justification, I don't believe it's ever justified to answer a wrong with a wrong. That's just ONE example. I'm willing to accept someone with different beliefs but not with different morals because morals = actions, beliefs are just a personal thing that affects no one.

>>18
I'm happy being single, guess i'll stay that way for the time being.

22Report
at 14 Oct 2008: 22:05

>>21
Nothing wrong with being single. I've been single for a long time and I find it to be a lot more enjoyable than being in a relationship. All my friends are constantly in and out of relationships and they are miserable. While your requirements for someone aren't outrageous or completely unreasonable they are about as possible to obtain as the winning lotto numbers.

There is a reason the majority of nature chooses to avoid the opposite sex for the majority of the year and only comes together to mate for a set amount of time then leave. Even animals have relationship conflicts at times though not to the point that humans do because their roles of dominant and submissive are more defined/stable.

I think i've met only a handful of people still in happy relationships after the first "omgsoinlovewithyou" first couple of years. So yeah, enjoy being single, it's a great thing.

23Report
at 8 Nov 2008: 21:08

I wish I was gay. It would make things so much easier. It's true what the OP says about women. They're all genetically insane. You wouldn't believe some of the bizarre things I've been accused of over something completely innocent I said that they interpreted and twisted into something completely different. They flip out on you over insignificant things like forgetting the anniversary of the first time you ordered pizza together or something equally ridiculous. They tell you to do something and then get pissed when you do it. They drag you shopping with them even though you obviously don't want to. They even have a special bench for us in the chick store. I call it "the whipped bench". It's the one with a row of husbands and boyfriends with vacant, glazed over eyes holding purses and pink shopping bags in some obscure corner of the store. They never forgive you for ANYTHING. Even if it happened 5 years before you even met her, you better believe at some point she WILL use it against you in an argument. Last, but not least; Either give up your rights and get your ass back in the kitchen or learn to operate a toilet seat. It's not my job to make pissing more convenient for you. You're the one who wanted to be equal. Congratulations, you are. Now either act like it or shut up and make babies. I can either open the door for you or you can vote, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. You made your choice.

I actually have something in common with other guys. There's no arguing over whether we watch Rambo or Bridget Jones. If we do have an argument we fight and whoever bleeds more is wrong. Then it's over and it won't be brought up again in a random argument 3 years later. Guys say what they mean. You don't have to try to translate it into PMS speak to figure out what they actually want from you. Doing what women actually said almost always results in being yelled at for not reading her mind. Other guys understand if you want to take a nap after sex because you've been doing all the work for an hour and it's bloody tiring. Guys will never ask you questions with no right answer. Guys never want to talk about your feelings because they understand that as a man you don't have any. Not only will a guy not get mad at you for burping at dinner, but it'll probably turn into a contest.

Unfortunately I like boobs and curvy hips and my guy hormones won't let me go without them so I just have to put up with it. Maybe some day I'll get lucky and date a butch shemale or something.

24Report (sage)
at 8 Nov 2008: 23:56

>>23
You can open the door for anyone because it's fucking POLITE, not because it's a 'rights' thing.  Holy crap.

25Report
at 9 Nov 2008: 22:56

You're right, I can. My point was that women are the only ones who EXPECT me to. Even my parents taught me you should open the door for a lady and etc. They think they're entitled to it, that was my point. Not all of them, obviously, but a lot do.

26Report
at 9 Nov 2008: 23:55

>>25
Exactly. On many occasions I had both hands full of stuff, a woman looked me directly in the eye and then let the door close on me. I had to put down my stuff, prop the door open with my foot then hurry through squeezing myself through.

I've been thanked by women maybe 10-15 times in my life while on the other hand i've been thanked by men 100+ times. I've opened more doors for women than men. Men appreciate it, women feel entitled to it.

I can't blame women for being insane on their own. Society has a hand in the whole princess treatment bullshit.

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